City of Hagerstown Announces Downtown Rebuilding Plan

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HAGERSTOWN, MD - Today the mayor and council announced their grand rebuilding plan, which will be contracted out to a Russian company and involve an 800 kiloton nuclear warhead.

Mayor Gysberts was previously quoted as saying that sometimes wishes his city had a war to clear out old buildings.

Through a partnership with a Russian defense contractor, the mayor can finally rebuild Hagerstown in his vision.

Strategically detonated, the 800 kiloton warhead would have the capability to remove completely all buildings within a 1.25 mile radius, as well as remove older homes within a 2.6 mile radius.

While residual radiation will last for several thousand years, lethal doses of radiation will be gone after only a few weeks, allowing construction crews to move in and begin clearing out the wreckage.

The time table for this rebuilding plan hasn't been formalized, but the mayor and council seem quite confident that this plan will be the most cost effective means of revitalizing downtown.

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