Shortly after the inauguration of Donald Trump, the 45th President of the United States, Queen Elizabeth announced her plan to retake the United States and make them British colonies again.
The United Kingdom has declared that after its departure from the European Union, the UK will reclaim the United States and form the new nation of Oceania.
Offering diplomacy first, Queen Elizabeth stated that she will first offer Trump to purchase all United States national debt, as well as pay him Eight Billion USD as compensation.
Trump, author of "The Art of the Deal", stated that he would "seriously consider" the United Kingdom's offer to purchase the United States from him.
Not to be deterred, Queen Elizabeth warned that this was a "limited time offer", and that if needed, the United Kingdom shall take back the United States by force.
"It won't take much really, all we have to do is promise everyone in the United States free stuff, and they'll blindly fight for liberation from Trump." stated a spokesperson for the Ministry of Peace.
As part of the acquisition, every United States citizen will receive a free interactive flat-screen television. This revolutionary technology will allow citizens to interact with their politicians in real-time!
George Orwell was psychic, just off by a few years. The Hagerstown Report is satire. For now.
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