Waynesboro School D&D Club Rejected Because of Critical Fail on Intelligence Check by Board Members

Waynesboro, PA - Citing the unrealistic, dramatized TV depiction of a "Dungeons & Dragons" game the Waynesboro Area School Board has voted six to three to reject a D&D club for Waynesboro Middle. The members who voted against the club unfortunately did so because of rolling a "one" on their intelligence check.

"The game involves language skills, math, probability, and creativity. We don't want our students to learn those things in a non-state-approved format which isn't boring." stated a representative for the board.

Unfortunately, because the board members have never taken the time to play D&D outside of their dull, boring everyday lives, they had to rely on depictions of the game from the TV show "Stranger Things", as well as antiquated urban legends that playing D&D somehow makes you want to commit suicide.

The three members who voted for the D&D club unfortunately did not roll high enough to overcome the rest of the board's usage of the "Dumb Luck" feat, in which the board simply avoids meaningful conversations about topics they don't understand, and yet are lucky enough that it's not close enough to an election year for their lack of informed opinions to actually matter.

The same night the board was also asked to approve a Math club. The board has decided to postpone that vote, as they apparently don't understand what math is either, or what its purpose is in a learning environment. Miraculously, they managed to accurately count the votes to adjourn the meeting.

Please post dice shaming pictures to our Facebook wall. This article is mostly satire, but WASD actually rejected the D&D club because they have no idea what D&D is.

Thurmont Finds Loophole to Operate Speed Cameras 24/7

THURMONT, MD - The town of Thurmont has found a way to operate its speed cameras 24/7, instead of only weekdays during school hours as other jurisdictions currently do.

After reviewing Maryland law, the town council found that the time restrictions only apply to automated speed enforcement cameras in school zones. As such, Thurmont has invested in a hybrid model in which speed cameras are manually operated during off-hours.

Each speed camera has been equipped with a periscope inside a small underground bunker. During off hours, the cameras will be manned by retired Navy submarine commanders, who are used to operating inside of tight dark spaces.

"This program will not only increase our speed camera revenue by 300%, but provides an employment path for retired Navy submarine commanders to put their skills to use." stated a council member.

To make the work environment more comfortable, the access personholes will resemble the same hatches used by the Navy in their submarines. The workspace itself will be almost completely dark, and a speaker system has been installed to generate a low hum to simulate the vibrations from a sub under way.

Old Navy submarine joke: 100 sailors go down, 50 couples come back up. The Hagerstown Report is satire.