City Park to be Stocked with Piranhas to Control Geese Population???

Photo by Andrewself

HAGERSTOWN, MD - As dredging of City Park lake begins next week, Hagerstown City Council has begun discussing the future of the lake.

"Since most of the carp will be killed during dredging, we've decided to stock the lake with something a bit more exotic." stated one council member.

Hagerstown City Park has long had a problem with geese overpopulation, but the plan for the lake after dredging solves the problem, as well as increases tourism possibilities.

Instead of re-stocking the lake with carp, the city will stock the lake with Brazilian piranhas, the most aggressive of the species.

"We're working with the same wildlife company which sold us the city park alligator." stated a council member, "Much like Ally, these piranhas will be specially trained to only eat geese."

The city considered putting up warning signs regarding the piranhas, but decided it could negatively impact tourism. Instead, signs will be posted inviting visitors to take pictures of the "friendly, smiling piranhas", with small disclaimers that small children should not splash or cry if they fall in the lake, or they may be mistaken for a goose. According to the Hagerstown city attorney, this disclaimer should be sufficient to release the city of any liability.

As for Ally the alligator, she is being taken to Hagerstown Suns stadium, for their renaming to the Hagerstown Gators, and will become their new mascot. Ally will be taken around the stadium on a leash during games, and children will be encouraged to pose with Ally for photographs.

"This is an exciting time for the city!" stated a council member. "People will flock far and wide to come see the lake stocked with trained piranhas!"

If you think the alligator was crazy, wait till the piranhas find their way into the city water supply. The Hagerstown Report is satire.