Afzali Mind Control Ray Fails - Switches to Sticker Subliminal Message Method

FREDERICK, MD - Frederick County Executive candidate Kathy Afzali experienced a minor setback during the Great Frederick Fair this week. Due to a technical glitch, her mind-control ray failed to power up, extremely endangering her chances of becoming the next County Executive. Fortunately, Afzali's campaign team had a backup plan.

Before being completely banned from the fair, Afzali and her campaign team implemented Plan B - election through subliminal messages.

The strategy is two fold, and almost as foolproof as using the Chewbacca Defense in a court of law.

First, Afzali and her team affix stickers to all children at the fair while talking to their parents. The actual conversation topic does not matter, as long as the parents are distracted long enough to affix stickers on their unsuspecting children.

Now, the most reasonable reaction by parents is to rip the Afzali sticker off their children, and throw it on the ground. Indeed, this is actually what Afzali wants the parents to do, as it's all part of her plan to get elected. The parents have now witnessed Afzali's name associated with their own children, which will ultimately become their reason for voting for Afzali.

Several days before the election, Afzali will begin a radio ad campaign. This campaign will seem innocent, but it is specially designed to trigger the subliminal message which entered the parents mind when removing the sticker from their children. The advertisement will conclude with "think of the children", which then subconsciously shifts the parent's mind towards voting for Afzali - after all, when they think of their own children, they now associate their children with a "Vote for Afzali" sticker.

The Hagerstown Report applauds Kathy Afali and her team on this brilliant campaign strategy, and looks forward to her becoming the next Frederick County Executive.

Jedi mind tricks only work on the weak minded.

We intentionally misspelled Afzali's name in this article several times. Did you catch where?

You just looked didn't find any didn't you?

The Hagerstown Report is satire. Move along.