WashCo Commissioners Announce Escort Worker Positions

HAGERSTOWN, MD - In wake of recent shakeups due to multiple simultaneous scandals, including sexual harassment and ethics violations, the Washington County Commissioners have announced several job openings for executive assistants. Applicants must be female, under 30, with petite build.

Job duties include taking overseas trips with County Commissioners, providing them emotional support and companionship.

"We feel this is the best solution possible, so that commissioners can restrain themselves from harassing other employees." stated a county official.

No experience is necessary for these positions, but applicants with experience in the adult film industry or escort service industry will be given priority consideration.

Candidates will be screened through an in-person interview in which they will be placed in several compromising positions, then asked a series of questions to ensure they can remain silent about what happened.

All selected employees will be compensated "under the table".

To apply, please come to the Washington County Job Fair held at Mitzi's Strip Club this Friday in Funkstown.

Should there be a sequel to "Debbie Does Dallas" called "Debbie Does Washington County Government"? The Hagerstown Report is Satire.