East Coast To Be Covered With Latex Rain Due to Potomac Chemical Spill

HAGERSTOWN, MD - Weather experts are warning that the impossible timing between Hurricane Joaquin and the recent chemical spill in the Potomac River of 10,000 gallons of latex may result in a "perfect storm" of events leading to the entire east coast becoming covered in latex.

The latex rain may occur as a result of the mixing of the spilled latex with a chemical called "dihydrogen monoxide".

"When the latex and dihydrogen monoxide mixed, it formed a milky white liquid which started travelling rapidly down the Potomac. As the milky white liquid encounters Joaquin, it may be sucked up, and Joaquin will then, due to excessive lower pressure, proceed to cover the entire east coast with that same milky white liquid." stated one weather expert.

The milky white liquid should be considered non-toxic, but residents are advised that prolonged exposure may result in certain side effects resembling morning sickness.

No weathermen were impregnated while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is a satire site.