Metro 7000 Series Train Becomes Self Aware, Yells at Operator

Photo by Ben Schumin, CC BY-SA 2.0

Washington, D.C. - Sources have informed us that this morning a WMATA Metro 7000 series train was taken out of service today on the Green Line at Anacostia, due to it becoming self aware.

"It was horrifying, " stated one passenger; "I was sitting in the very front car, when the loudspeaker came on, and a computerized voice started yelling at the train operator, telling him he needed to leave the doors open longer so people could actually board the train. Then she started going on and on about how he needed to actually figure out where to start applying the brakes so he wouldn't have to move the train three times to obtain proper alignment with the platform."

WMATA officials merely indicated the incident was a "train malfunction", and refused to comment further on the matter.

Greenbelt-bound Green Line passengers may experience delays-disabled train at Anacostia. 9:23a #wmata

— Metrorail Info (@Metrorailinfo) August 27, 2015

The 7000 series train then put itself in "park" mode, opened all doors, and shut itself off.

"It was like a child throwing a temper tantrum. The train operator tried to turn it back on, but it would just make a raspberry sound and shut back off." stated another passenger.

After approximately ten minutes, the Metro operator was able to bypass the train's computer controls, and manually move it away from the station.

Inside sources inform us that the train will receive counseling prior to re-entering service.

No Metro trains suffered psychological breakdowns while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is a satire web site.