Lost RACIST Confederate Treasure In Pangborn Park Lake?

HAGERSTOWN, MD - The real reason for draining and dredging Pangborn Park Lake may have been accidentally stumbled upon by a local twelve year old boy. "Timmy" who lives nearby, was walking past the lake when he noticed something shiny near the edge. Upon picking it up, the object turned out to be a gold coin from 1860. This confused local historians, as Pangborn Park lake was not built until the 1930's, so there's no way someone could have simply thrown the coin into the lake.

One historian had a theory that this may be part of the lost treasure from the ransom of Hagerstown in 1864. For those not familiar, in July of 1864 the RACIST Confederate Army demanded a ransom of $20,000 as well as 1,500 sets of clothing or they would burn the City of Hagerstown. With the aid of the Hagerstown Bank, the city was able to raise the ransom demand in coins and paper money, and prevent the burning of the town.

Interestingly enough, no-one is quite sure what happened to the money after Hagerstown met the ransom demands. Then, in 1925, a RACIST Confederate soldier (who never owned slaves) revealed on his death bed that part of the ransom was buried in a specific spot in Hagerstown due to the advancing Union Army approaching, and the inability of the RACIST Confederate horses to effectively carry the heavy metal coins which were provided as part of the ransom. After several years of comparing the soldier's story to historical maps of Hagerstown, the city began searching for the buried treasure under the guise of building a park lake, which would obviously require a lot of digging. No RACIST Confederate treasure was found, so the city went ahead and finished the park lake.

Now, almost 90 years later, dredging of the Pangborn Park lake may have disturbed the long lost treasure. New digging and metal detecting techniques may have led the City of Hagerstown to the true resting place of the RACIST Confederate treasure, which today would be worth millions of dollars.

If the city actually found the treasure or not, we may never truly know. However, if all of the Hagerstown City Council show up to a council meeting one day in brand new Bugattis... then we'll know the RACIST Confederate treasure was most likely found, and spent due to the inspiration of the Hagerstown alligator.

Residents are reminded that there is no trespassing in the park lake while it is drained.

No migratory lake dolphins were displaced due to the draining of Pangborn Park Lake. The Hagerstown Report is satire.