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Monday, February 1, 2021

HCC Technical Innovation Center Closed in May 2020 Due to Atomic Accident

HAGERSTOWN, MD - New information has come to light surrounding the sudden closure of Hagerstown Community College's Technical Innovation Center. A student led project on building miniature cold fusion breeder reactors accidentally contaminated the entire building with omega particles.

Omega particles are a highly unstable and short lived molecule which are theorized to have existed in nature at the instant of the Big Bang. It is suspected that this dangerous particle was responsible for the destruction of the remote Lantaru research facility.

On May 2 at approximately 2:51 PM, an unknown person entered the HCC TIC and tampered with a student project on self-sustaining energy. Leaving behind a note and only calling himself "The Alligator", this unknown intruder modified the settings of the experiment to cause a chain reaction. Within an hour, the building was flooded with invisible omega particles. While these particles are not harmful to humans and pass through most non-magnetic surfaces unhindered, these particles have a tendency to explode if too many are concentrated in a confined space. Despite a quick reaction by HCC staff in shutting down the experiment, the damage had been done. HCC quickly realized the only solution was complete shutdown of the building for intensive electromagnetic decontamination.

Hagerstown Community College officials deny that the accident occurred, or the existence of the suspected terrorist known as "The Alligator". However, only several months prior similar images were captured of the same man in a lab in Wuhan, China, shortly before the entire world went into lockdown due to a global pandemic, and was most recently spotted possibly storming the Capitol Building in Washington, DC. Local law enforcement stated "We don't know this person's identity, but he can't keep getting away with this."

Fortunately, an adjunct faculty member in HCC's philosophy department was able to leak this still image of "The Alligator" from TIC security cameras shortly before the accident.

Do you recognize the "The Alligator"? If so, please contact HCC's philosophy department.

We always though the "big bang" was something in the back room of Mitzi's. The Hagerstown Report is satire.

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