In New Safety Program, Maryland Legislators to get "Mild Shock" for Disagreeing With Majority Leader

ANNAPOLIS, MD - As our state legislators return to Annapolis this year, they will notice some changes to the Maryland State House and Senate floors. Each legislator will be assigned their own individual box, which has been built to not only protect from COVID-19, but also to ensure that all legislators remain in line with the wishes of the majority leader through the inclusion of an inductive power delivery system.

With the push of a button, the House or Senate leader will be able to punish dissenters and those who disagree with the majority, by delivering a mild electric shock no more powerful than sticking a fork in an electric socket.

Punishable offenses include, but are not limited to:

• Speaking out of turn
• Disagreeing with the Majority Leader
• Disagreeing with the Democrat Party
• Agreeing with a Republican Governor
• Disagreeing with a Democrat Governor
• Refusal to support a new tax
• Refusal to support a tax increase
• Refusal to support any gun control measure

"This new measure will ensure complete control of Maryland, and further cement our ability to tax the state into the 21st century!" stated the Senate majority leader.

Republican lawmakers expressed concern over the new "safety measures" but refused to fight them. "We all know it's for our own safety that we must agree with our Democratic overlords and their veto-overriding supermajority which can impose their will upon anyone in the state."

The Maryland Legislative session resumed January 13, 2021 and is expected to override multiple bills which were vetoed by Governor Hogan.

We're pretty sure they're gonna turn Neil Parrott's buzzer up to 11. The Hagerstown Report is satire.