"This important class will ensure that all students are properly indoctrinated to be offended at everything they disagree with, in accordance with our liberal education programs." stated a college representative. An adjunct faculty teacher in the Philosophy and History department has already volunteered to teach the class.
The semester-long course will be broken into several topics, including:
- Creative methods of being offended at things you never thought were offensive
- Overcoming unrealistic expectations of reasonable thinking
- How to jump to conclusions to accuse ANYTHING of being offensive
- Accusing someone of racism/sexism/bigotry when losing an argument
- Why anything that offends you is automatically violent white supremacy
Students who perform poorly in the class will not fail. Instead, they will receive a free train ride to the reeducation camp being built at the former Sun's stadium. The details of that program are still under development.
No liberal adjunct faculty heads exploded while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is satire.
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