Hagerstown Mayor Race Declared Tie

Jonathan Hager's Dueling Pistols

HAGERSTOWN, MD - The votes are finally counted, and residents won't believe the result. Incumbent Mayor Gysberts and former Mayor Bruchey received the exact same number of votes.

Fortunately, the Hagerstown charter, written by Jonathan Hager in 1762, allows for a quick and decisive resolution to the tie. Both candidates will have a duel in Hagerstown town square within ninety days of the election.

The charter requires the two candidates use the dueling pistol set originally owned by Jonathan Hager himself, which are said to contain "divine powers" which will ultimately help decide the winner of the election.

The rules are simple. Gysberts and Bruchey will each have one shot. The survivor becomes Mayor.

Currently, odds are 2 to 1 that Bruchey will win the duel, as he has extensive firearms training throughout his career. However, very little is known about Gysberts' hobbies, and he may surprise us and be an excellent marksman.

The duel is currently scheduled for Thursday, November 31, at 12 noon. The Hagerstown charter requires the duel be precisely at noon, so as neither candidate will have an advantage over the other with the position of the sun.

Since Gysberts is the incumbent, he will have the choice of which side of Potomac street he wishes to stand on.

Did you know muzzle loaders aren't actually considered firearms? The Hagerstown Report is satire.