HAGERSTOWN, MD - After much debate, The Hagerstown Report has decided to follow suit with several other news organizations across the globe and announce our endorsement for President of the United States.
We find ourselves faced with a decision of paramount proportions.
This candidate wants to unify not just the United States, but the entire world, for a single cause.
Unfortunately, our candidate is not without his flaws. Many feel this candidate wants too much power, or that the candidate is a warmonger who shall only bring us death and destruction. The Hagerstown Report rejects those statements, and feel that our candidate will do what is right for our country and the rest of the world.
That is why we at The Hagerstown Report officially endorse Cthulhu, the Great Old One, for President of the United States. When faced with a choice of two evils, why settle for the lesser evil?
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. The Hagerstown Report is Satire.
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