In his expanded theory, Carsong explains that the ancient Egyptians were facing a food shortage, until the miraculous creation of the food "Soylent Grain".
Soylent Grain wasn't actually a grain at all, but in reality, ground up, human remains - which there just happened to be plenty of in the pyramids. So, parts of the pyramids were turned into food processing centers, under the disguise of "grain storage".
"There's still a lot of protein in mummified remains, and the Egyptians discovered it could be used in place of grain for cooking. It really did revolutionize Egyptian culture, and save them from the brink of starvation."
Carsong came under fire for originally mentioning his grain theory, but now that the theory has been clarified, he feels much better about his chances of possibly coming in third place in the presidential race.
"There's a trophy or something for third place, right guys?"
No politicians lost their sanity while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is a satire site.
No comments:
Post a Comment