"We're going to make space great again!" exclaimed the president, as he signed the executive order exempting Wedd from military service in order to have her run the new branch. "We're going to do SCIENCE, only the best SCIENCE. And we're going to make Mars pay for it!". Trump then said the word SCIENCE several more times, for emphasis.
When asked regarding Wedd's qualifications, Trump spoke highly of her ability to "science anything", and how "she does a lot of science, so she must know a lot of science, plus I hear she's really good at managing the social media for the local science museum."
Wedd has recently come under investigation regarding her role in the "Jurassic Parkgate", specifically the rumors that she has been cloning dinosaurs in her lab underneath the Discovery Station.
According to Wedd, her process involves splicing the genes of dinosaurs with the genes of Ally the Alligator from city park. The resulting dinosaurs will only attack geese, and leave humans and other animals alone.
The first of her experimental dinosaurs, a T-Rex, was placed in city park earlier this year, after a brief incident regarding the New Years Eve do-nut drop. Wedd will continue her dinosaur cloning experiments until US Space Force is officially up and running.
No phallic shaped rockets were launched into space while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is satire.
