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Tuesday, August 29, 2017

County Commissioners Approve Toll-Booth Wall Around Hagerstown to Reduce Crime

Artist's sketch of the "Great Wall of Hagerstown"
HAGERSTOWN, MD - In a last ditch effort to control the growing crime problems in Washington County, today the County Commissioners voted unanimously to construct a wall around Hagerstown.

"This is our endgame. We're going to build a wall around Hagerstown, then setup speed-camera powered toll booths to charge anyone entering or leaving the city." stated one of the commissioners, "People won't be able to afford to leave, so crime in the rest of the county will go down."

Residents will be given a 30 day notice prior to the implementation of the toll booths, so that those who wish to permanently leave may do so.

Commissioners denied any preferential treatment when it was announced that the wall would be constructed by a Commissioner's construction company, and another Commissioner's electrical company providing wiring for the flood lights.

Construction of the wall is currently scheduled to begin November 31, 2017.

Local area school children will be asked to paint murals on the outside of the wall, in memory of the once great city.

Just think how much money the county is going to be making when they turn on the new speed cameras! The Hagerstown Report is satire.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, but PLEASE, keep the murals OUTSIDE the walls, if the commissioners are planning and contracting these murals, 'k? That last one they decided on makes me want to puke! (And THAT ain't satire!!)

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