"Harambe truly was an inspiration for us all" stated a city council member, "he was taken from us far too soon." The city council member was arrested moments later for indecent exposure.
The statue was funded through Hagerstown speed camera funds, and is devoted to "teaching children peace". The overall cost of the statue is estimated at $1.2 million, part of which will be distributed as a kickback to each city council member who votes to approve the statue.
Some Hagerstown residents questioned if the statue was a good idea.
"We all know Harambe had incriminating evidence against Hillary Clinton and that's why he was killed. Will this put our small town in the crosshairs of Hillary's goons?" asked one resident who happened to be wearing a tinfoil beanie.
"Couldn't they have spent the money on something better? Like maybe some books to actually teach kids, instead of memorializing some ape?" asked another resident who was then beaten by an angry mob screaming "Harambe wasn't just an ape!"
As the statue has not been finalized, Hagerstown residents are encouraged to call city hall and weigh in their thoughts.
Please, no phallic displays at City Park. Nobody wants to see that. The Hagerstown Report is satire.
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