Dihydrogen Monoxide Found at Scene of Burger King Demolition

HAGERSTOWN, MD - The demolition of the Burger King on Dual Highway has been completed, but local concerns and confusion remains.

Few residents expected the sudden demolition of the local fast food joint, and many wondered why. Today, significant amounts of Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) were found by passersby.

"It's everywhere!" claimed a local resident. "It's covering the entire site, and today there was even some of the DHMO in the sky! It's crazy!"

Dihydrogen Monoxide, aka Hydrogen Hydroxide, aka DHMO, an industrial solvent and coolant, is an "enabling component" of acid rain -- in the absence of sufficient quantities of DHMO, acid rain is not a problem. Significant amounts of DHMO were also present at the recent chemical plant fire in Houston during Hurricane Harvey.

You can read more about DHMO at DHMO.org

If you are concerned about the effects of DHMO on your family, The Hagerstown Report has DHMO protective gear for sale.

Representatives from Burger King and the City of Hagerstown could not be reached for comment.

Eat recycled food. It's good for the environment, and okay for you. The Hagerstown Report is satire.

OPINION: Ban DHMO in Washington County

HAGERSTOWN, MD - Recent studies have found Washington County is severely contaminated with Hydric Acid, which is also known as Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO). Residents should be very concerned by this, and contact their elected officials immediately to ask them to ban DHMO.

DHMO is an industrial solvent and coolant, and has previously been found at the Central Chemical Superfund Site located in Hagerstown, MD.

However, recent studies have found DHMO not only in the ground, but in our streams, ponds, and even the air we breathe. DHMO was even found inside the old MELP plant in Hagerstown.

According to the Material Safety Data Sheet, DHMO is not currently regulated, but reacts vigorously with sodium, potassium,  and other alkali metals.

The Hagerstown Report urges readers to contact their elected officials today, and demand a ban of the use of DHMO be put in place county-wide.

No aquatic life was harmed while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is a satire website.