Local Promises to "Blaze it Up" from Olympic Torch

HAGERSTOWN, MD - With the arrival of the Olympic Torch in Hagerstown, one local habitual marijuana user has promised to make this year an Olympics no-one will soon forget.

"So, like, the plan is, I'm going to hide among the crowd of people running the torch, and about halfway through I'm going to light up a blunt off the torch." said the anonymous Hagerstown resident.

With the decriminalization of marijuana in Maryland, the maximum penalty the Hagerstown resident might face would be a $500 civil fine.

"Yea, I'll probably get arrested. But man, what a story to tell my grandkids! If they didn't want us to do this, they shouldn't have made the torch in the shape of a blunt in the first place."

The Torch Run will be on Wednesday, June 8, and will start at noon at the Hagerstown Fairgrounds.

No stoners plotted to blaze it up at an Olympic event while writing this article, except for maybe Michael Phelps, but that's okay because he didn't inhale. The Hagerstown Report is satire.