Without further delay, The Hagerstown Report is proud to provide our top 7 list for 2015.
Honorable Mention - Robin Ficker
https://www.facebook.com/robinficker
While not technically a website, we had to include Robin Ficker on this list. Why? Because when he's not busy being a heckler at NBA games or looking for the nonexistent Frostburg courthouse through his full time job as a defense attorney, Ficker is actively campaigning for Congress (we think anyway).
Ficker frequently posts about his representation of the people of Western Maryland in the Washington County Republican Club and Hagerstown TEA Party Facebook groups. He also commonly promotes his interviews with Nancy Grace on Headline News Network - which is truly fascinating to all 5 of the people in Washington County who actually watch Headline News.
More recently, Ficker has been posting stuff that nobody can actually view. This has been going on for some time now, and nobody has had the heart to tell him - but that's actually working out pretty well, given his recent statement about representing people at the Frostburg courthouse, which doesn't actually exist. Ficker is a must watch, just for the sheer entertainment value alone.
Honorable Mention - Robin Ficker
https://www.facebook.com/robinficker
While not technically a website, we had to include Robin Ficker on this list. Why? Because when he's not busy being a heckler at NBA games or looking for the nonexistent Frostburg courthouse through his full time job as a defense attorney, Ficker is actively campaigning for Congress (we think anyway).
Ficker frequently posts about his representation of the people of Western Maryland in the Washington County Republican Club and Hagerstown TEA Party Facebook groups. He also commonly promotes his interviews with Nancy Grace on Headline News Network - which is truly fascinating to all 5 of the people in Washington County who actually watch Headline News.
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| Not sure if not sharing due to privacy settings, or if Ficker is making a statement about his marital status. |
7)
Washington County Health Department
This local website had to be included on the list as a matter of principle.
The first problem? Every single link you click opens a new browser tab. We tried navigating the site, and ended up with about 20 different browser tabs. Talk about a nightmare.
Then there's the site's up to date content. And by up to date, we mean tips on staying cool during hot weather. Which normally would be pretty nice, except it's currently December. Al Gore would be proud.
6)
i4Weather
http://i4weather.net/
In the deepest, darkest parts of the Internet exists i4Weather - a website designed by Greg Keefer in 1997, and based upon the design of the site, hasn't been modified since then, as you can see from the screenshot below.
Interestingly enough, the website itself does actually contain useful data about the current status of weather in Hagerstown, and without all the ad banner crap and reality TV that you see on the Weather Channel. I don't suspect this site gets a lot of traffic, so if you start visiting it frequently, please donate to it!
i4Weather
http://i4weather.net/
In the deepest, darkest parts of the Internet exists i4Weather - a website designed by Greg Keefer in 1997, and based upon the design of the site, hasn't been modified since then, as you can see from the screenshot below.
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| 1997 called. They want their cheesy animated GIFs back. |
5)
Washington County Teacher Association
The local teachers union website underwent a complete overhaul in 2015. And with good reason! In 2014 they had a webpage calling non-union members "parasites". Oops. Not a good way to recruit new members.
However, they apparently haven't worked all the kinks out yet. Clicking "MSEA NEWS" sends the visitor to an ugly, unformatted RSS feed. One of the headings on the lower right is a reminder to "UPDATE DATE AND WEBMASTER EMAIL".
And the worst offense of all? Their vice president still uses AOL. Seriously?
4)
Younger Toyota
Younger made it onto our list just because, well, who doesn't want a huge advertisement for a car dealership across their back window when they buy a car?
Upon visiting their website, you're immediately greeted by a creepy pop-up of "Shane" asking if you have any questions about their inventory.
Go away Shane. If I have questions I'll call - that is why you have a phone number listed at the top of the website, right? I mean holy crap, I JUST GOT TO YOUR WEBSITE and you're already asking if I have any questions? Typical car salesman - let me look at the cars first! SHEESH! If I wanted treated like that, I'd just go to a car dealership!
At least Justin isn't a creeper like Shane, and is even willing to wrestle escaped alligators in the back lot.
3)
Hagerstown Yard Sale
While not an actual website, Hagerstown Yard Sale, with over 38k members, had to be included on this list. We're talking a level of entertainment here so big, there is actually a Facebook group called "Best of Hagerstown Yard Sales" devoted to tracking the crazy stuff.
Viewers often question if anything is actually ever "sold" in this group, with all the drama and entertainment. On any given day, visitors to the group can expect random posts ranting about someone who didn't show up, someone pricing their stuff too high, or of course Chris Abbott's random conspiracy theories that the government is implanting tracking devices in everyone through microscopic robots in the water supply. And you thought fluoride was bad.
Occasionally, visitors can be treated to extra entertaining posts. These posts include but are not limited to:
- Photos of reflective objects while the photographer was naked
- Photos of objects accidentally including poor personal grooming practices
- Photos of objects stolen from someone else
- Photos of penises masquerading as anteaters.
- Social justice warriors promoting their latest cause.
If you haven't joined that group yet, even if you're not interested in buying anything, it's worth joining for the entertainment factor alone.
2)
The Hagerstown Report
We of course had to include ourselves in this list.
The Hagerstown Report is a satire site, and yet apparently a large percentage of this area fails to understand what the word "satire" means.
As such, you will find social media filled with wild rumors about alligators in City Park, and plans to sell Hagerstown to a theme park.
Apparently, someone even called the City to complain about the pending sale of Hagerstown to a theme park. Oh dear. Sorry about that.
The fact of the matter is, everything The Hagerstown Report posts is complete BS, and you should believe every word of it, because the author really REALLY gets a good laugh when people freak out about completely unbelievable stuff. End of shameless self promotion.
1)
RoadSnacks
Where to begin with this website. This site, based out of Durham, NC, contains no actual substantial, meaningful info, and is pretty much an entire website devoted to clickbait.
With articles stating that Hagerstown is among the laziest and fattest, as well as most ghetto cities, this site seems to like to take cheap shots at Hagerstown.
The Herald-Mail and Mayor Gysberts get an honorable mention here, as both felt it necessary to feed the RoadSnacks trolls, and actually posted a response in the Herald-Mail. The Hagerstown Report can't wait for the day that we receive this honor as well. Of course, you probably can't read the article because Herald-Mail wants you to pay a subscription fee for the same stories you can get from Your4State for free.
Seriously, what is RoadSnacks' obsession with Hagerstown? Did they get a speed cam ticket here or something?
No webmasters were flogged while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is satire.
Luuuuv this!!!
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