The fully automatic, silenced pop tart gun, while exceeding performance of similar weapons, simply failed to pass consumer interest.
"We thought it was a tasty idea, " said one spokesperson, "but ultimately consumer demand showed that our customers simply aren't interested in purchasing firearms they can also eat for breakfast."
The firearm was already experiencing production problems, in that baked goods simply don't provide the same strength as metal, and early prototypes would crumble during loading, or even worse, explode while firing.
"We almost had the production problems solved when we switched from traditional pastry crust to the crust they use in Hot Pockets. That stuff is so tough and heat resilient, the outside of the gun was heating up, but the center stayed ice cold, just like actual Hot Pockets!"
Beretta will now concentrate on its newest line of firearms, designed to comply with proposed gun control regulations. In order to fire this experimental firearm, the user must electronically submit to a background check prior to each trigger pull, using the built in wireless transceiver. Once the background check has been completed within 24 hours, the firearm will allow a single shot to be fired.
No pastry wielding school kids were suspended while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is a satire site.
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