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Thursday, August 12, 2021

Sharpsburg Council Approves Ordinance to Rename Town to Sharpsburgh

Sharpsburg, MD - Through a unanimous vote, the Sharpsburg town council has approved an ordinance to rename the town to its traditional spelling "Sharpsburgh". This debate was the result of questions raised regarding the legitimacy of the town museum's usage of the name "Sharpsburgh".

"It really came down to which Facebook page had the most likes at the time," said a town council representative, "and somehow overnight before the meeting the likes for the Sharpsburgh Museum exceeded the likes for the Town of Sharpsburg itself."

The town manager was unable to explain how the likes for "Sharpsburgh Museum" suddenly skyrocketed overnight, but the promised that there was not foul play involved. "This was the most secure and trustworthy counting of Facebook page likes ever. There may have been talk four years ago of Facebook likes being an unsecure method of determining which town name was preferred, but we promise you there's no way it could have been manipulated now, even though we did nothing to correct the problem."


Supporters of "Sharpsburg" questioned the official narrative of "Sharpsburgh" supporters.

"If you look at the like counting, both Sharpsburg and Sharpsburgh received over 1.5 million likes. There aren't that many people living in town, something is seriously wrong here!" said one concerned citizen.

Most of the controversy arises over a sudden spike in likes for Sharpsburgh overnight shortly before the council meeting. Sharpsburgh supporters swear unequivocally that the likes are legitimate, even though Sharpsburg supporters were prevented from observing counting of the likes.

Meanwhile, "Sharpesburg" supporters continue to cry foul, claiming they were excluded from the process. "Just because the Sharpesburg Facebook page only has five likes, doesn't mean our voices don't matter. There is no difference between Sharpsburg and Sharpsburgh. Only Sharpesburg is the true original name of the town."

The new name goes into effect on September 31, 2021.

No surfers were caught by the massive wave of political bullshit we've witnessed these past couple years. The Hagerstown Report is satire.


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