Hagerstown to Pay $40,000 for Phallic Rock Sculpture

HAGERSTOWN, MD - In addition to the controversial "Pod" sculpture, today the Hagerstown city council voted to approve another, lesser known sculpture for the culture trail, titled "Rod".

"It's a sculpture by a lesser known Chinese artist, Hung So Lo, and we want to make sure upcoming artists are also well represented." stated a city representative.

For $40,000, the city will transport the sculpture from its current location in Arizona to the side of the culture trail, exact location to be determined.

"It's really hard, finding art that excites people" stated a council member. "But we feel that by erecting this large sculpture, we can show people what our city is truly all about."

While one city council member expressed concern about both sculptures, his concerns were quickly dismissed by the other council members, "It's already budgeted, it's basically free money! The taxpayers won't mind!"

City Council seemed absolutely oblivious to concerns from parents present at the meeting. One parent was quoted as saying "You're really screwing the taxpayers with this!"

Meanwhile, major news outlets scramble to obtain a photo of the sculpture which can actually be aired, the Hagerstown Report has decided to expose this sculpture in all its glory. To do otherwise would be just nuts.

Richard Cranium, Staff Writer, Reporting

Writing this article with a straight face was really hard. The Hagerstown Report is satire.

March East Coast Snow Event May be "Apocalyptic"

HAGERSTOWN, MD - The National Weather Service has revised its predictions for the east coast snow storm, an it doesn't look good. "This is a fundamental shift in weather patterns we've never seen before this late in March."

The National Weather Service is predicting up to 30 inches of snow in a 24 hour period, just in the DC Metro area, starting mid-day Monday.

This type of weather shows a fundamental shift in the Earth's climate. We were wrong, the Earth isn't getting warmer, it's getting cooler - and it's about to do so rapidly.

Residents across the eastern seaboard should expect mass mayhem, including out-of-stock milk, bread, water, and eggs. Cats may be sleeping with dogs, and biblical levels of disease and famine may be witnessed across the land.

Stock up, take shelter in your fallout shelter or basement, and prepare for a long several months. Winter is coming.

UPDATE: Any rumors of this change in weather due to crazy experiments by mad scientist "Brittany Wedd" at the Discovery Station in Hagerstown are unfounded, and such reports shall not be entertained here.

No meteorologists were struck by meteors while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is satire.