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Friday, June 7, 2019

Hagerstown "Jumps the Shark" With Newest Park Addition

HAGERSTOWN, MD - In order to attract more visitors to Hagerstown City Park, the city council approved a plan to add a new attraction to City Park lake - a live shark.

In a 4 to 1 vote, the city council approved the purchase of a Speartooth Shark, one of only a few species capable of living in fresh water. The shark, which is being named "Lizzy" in honor of Jonathan Hager's wife Elizabeth, will take residence in City Park lake starting Monday, June 10.

Lizzy is a specially trained shark, and is completely docile. She will only feed on carp in the city park lake, leaving other wildlife alone, such as Ally, the alligator responsible for city park geese population control. "We believe this newest attraction, a living piece of art, will bring more visitors to Hagerstown City Park and the cultural trail."

Residents are encouraged not to make any sudden splashing movements if they fall into the lake, as Lizzy may mistake them for a carp. Signs have been ordered which will encourage visitors to pet the shark, should she come close to the edge of the lake.

Lizzy will be officially introduced to the community during the upcoming Flag Day celebration, and children will be encouraged to enter the water with her to post for a photo. Residents interested should RSVP on the City of Hagerstown's Facebook Event.

We at The Hagerstown Report look forward to many more events featuring Lizzy and Ally!

No carp bit the big one while writing this story. The Hagerstown Report is satire.

4 comments:

  1. I don't care if it attracts more people to visit City Park but having a shark in city parks Waters I don't think it should be permitted to have one there

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  2. I don't think that safe do to kids go close to the edge an I still haven't seen this ally everyone talk about. What time is this happening

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  3. Are you kidding me kids will be encouraged to go in the water to get a pic with the shark lmfao my kids will be finding a new park I thought the thing about the alligator was fake apparently not and now a shark are these people crazy

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