March East Coast Snow Event May be "Apocalyptic"

HAGERSTOWN, MD - The National Weather Service has revised its predictions for the east coast snow storm, an it doesn't look good. "This is a fundamental shift in weather patterns we've never seen before this late in March."

The National Weather Service is predicting up to 30 inches of snow in a 24 hour period, just in the DC Metro area, starting mid-day Monday.

This type of weather shows a fundamental shift in the Earth's climate. We were wrong, the Earth isn't getting warmer, it's getting cooler - and it's about to do so rapidly.

Residents across the eastern seaboard should expect mass mayhem, including out-of-stock milk, bread, water, and eggs. Cats may be sleeping with dogs, and biblical levels of disease and famine may be witnessed across the land.

Stock up, take shelter in your fallout shelter or basement, and prepare for a long several months. Winter is coming.

UPDATE: Any rumors of this change in weather due to crazy experiments by mad scientist "Brittany Wedd" at the Discovery Station in Hagerstown are unfounded, and such reports shall not be entertained here.

No meteorologists were struck by meteors while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is satire.