"We got the idea from South Park" stated a Whitehouse representative. "Manatees are un-corruptible, and can't have ties to any foreign government. Because they're manatees."
Under the new system, a manatee will be given his own tank with "idea balls", which the manatee will then feed into a machine to help decide foreign policy.
"It truly is a remarkable system!"
For a demonstration of how the system works, please visit South Park Studios.
No sea creatures were given control of our nuclear arsenal while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is satire.
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