China Announces Purchase of Hagerstown

The new City of Hagerstown flag.

Chengdu, China - After negotiations in Chengdu, China with Mayor David Gysberts, China announced that it has finally purchased the City of Hagerstown.

"This represents a turning point in our countries' cooperative efforts! Never before has China purchased outright an entire city!" stated one China official.

The Chinese government stresses that the residents of Hagerstown will still have full autonomy over their lives, however, the tax rate of the City will increase to 95%.

Planned improvements to Hagerstown include the opening of several Foxconn manufacturing plants, in which Hagerstown residents will be provided jobs for one dollar per hour.

The Foxconn wage is perfectly legal, as Foxconn will only employ residents as 1099 contractors, instead of employees. Contractors will be expected to work at least 70 hours per week.

Apple Computers was overjoyed at the news. "Finally we can slap a Made in America sticker on our iPhones!"

"What really blew us away was the Mayor's vision for rebuilding Hagerstown. He talked about wanting to have a war to clear out all the old buildings, and we will be happy to explore that option!" stated a Chinese military official.

China takes possession of the City of Hagerstown and its residents on April 1. Any resident who does not wish to become property of China should move immediately.

No mayors caused international incidents while writing this article, at least we hope not anyway. The Hagerstown Report is a satire site.