Cearfoss Solar Death Ray to Boost Local Economy

Artist's concept of the Cearfoss Solar Death Ray

HAGERSTOWN, MD - The construction of a solar death ray in the Cearfoss area of Hagerstown promises to vastly improve local tax income through defense spending.

The death ray, known as Archimedes II, is being constructed as part of Department of Homeland Security's "peacekeeper initiative", as a sequel to the Reagan era "Star Wars" program.

When asked about recent rumors that terrorist organizations recently obtained the blueprints for Archimedes II, a top ranking official stated "Any attack made by the terrorists against this station would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they have obtained. This station is now the ultimate power in the universe! I suggest we use it!"

While some local residents are concerned over the possible impact on property values, being so close to a weapon of mass destruction, local officials assure county residents that building the Solar Death Ray is the right thing to do. "We're doing this with or without the support of the community. That's why they elected us after all. Never-mind the fact that one of the county commissioners owns the land, and is going to make a huge profit, this is for the good of the community we swear!"

The county commissioners, including commissioner Barr who owns the property which will be leased for the solar array, could not be reached for comment.

No birds or county commissioners were harmed by solar death rays while writing this article. The Hagerstown Report is a satire site.