High Rock to be renamed "Little Rushmore", Featuring $1.2M Harambe Sculpture

Artist's concept of the Harambe sculpture.

SMITHSBURG, MD - Today the Washington County Commissioners approved a measure to rename High Rock to "Little Rushmore", and add a sculpture of "Harambe", the ape killed at the Cincinnati zoo for $1.2 Million.

"We're estimating over $2 million in revenue from speed cams in Washington County, so we figured we should give part of that back to the community" stated a county representative.

The same artist who convinced the City of Hagerstown to spend $100,000 on a racist hate-filled cave drawing along the culture trail, will also create this new sculpture.

"This area keeps giving me more and more money and I love it! P.T. Barnum was right!" exclaimed the artist.

Work on the Harambe sculpture will take place this summer, starting July 5th.

Probably would still attract more visitors than a pile of rocks or a culture trail. The Hagerstown Report is satire.

Hagerstown Walking Trail to Feature Million Dollar Harambe Statue

HAGERSTOWN, MD - Today Hagerstown unveiled plans to include in the downtown city walking trail a three foot statue commemorating Harambe, the ape killed at Cincinnati Zoo.

"Harambe truly was an inspiration for us all" stated a city council member, "he was taken from us far too soon."  The city council member was arrested moments later for indecent exposure.

The statue was funded through Hagerstown speed camera funds, and is devoted to "teaching children peace". The overall cost of the statue is estimated at $1.2 million, part of which will be distributed as a kickback to each city council member who votes to approve the statue.

Some Hagerstown residents questioned if the statue was a good idea.

"We all know Harambe had incriminating evidence against Hillary Clinton and that's why he was killed. Will this put our small town in the crosshairs of Hillary's goons?" asked one resident who happened to be wearing a tinfoil beanie.

"Couldn't they have spent the money on something better? Like maybe some books to actually teach kids, instead of memorializing some ape?" asked another resident who was then beaten by an angry mob screaming "Harambe wasn't just an ape!"

As the statue has not been finalized, Hagerstown residents are encouraged to call city hall and weigh in their thoughts.

Please, no phallic displays at City Park. Nobody wants to see that. The Hagerstown Report is satire.