South Korean Firm Announces "Erotic Theme Park" for Fort Ritchie

Artist's Concept of "Happy Fun Palace"

HAGERSTOWN, MD - Today a South Korea firm announced its intentions to develop an "erotic theme park" on the Fort Ritchie land given to the firm for free by the County Commissioners. Among other improvements. the plan calls for a large, phallic shaped tower to be added to the Fort Ritchie castle.

"Much like the Disneyland castle, we want this to be the center of our park" stated a representative of the South Korean firm.

The park, called "Korea Happy Fun Palace", is being marketed as "the best erotic getaway in the world". Promising to provide a fully immersive Korea experience, only women of Asian descent will be hired at the park, and the standard uniform will be a schoolgirl outfit with a very short skirt.

Proposed rides include:

• The Big "O" - This tilt-a-whirl will provide completely enclosed, private ride cabs complete with sound proofing
• Mary-Go-Round - Unlike traditional merry-go-rounds, riders will remain stationary in their own private booths in the center of the ride, while employees in bikinis ride the merry-go-round in front of them
• Slip N' Slide in the DMs - A water slide where riders are shown pornographic images upon reaching the end
• Bump-her Cars - Similar to traditional bumper cars, but each car features a 3D sculpture of a scantly-clad Korean anime girl

Washington County residents will receive a lifetime fifty percent discount on admission to the park. Children under 12 can be admitted for free.

County officials could not be reached for comment, but it is The Hagerstown Report's understanding that the commissioners received a private preview of the park concept during their trips to South Korea, and commissioners in attendance were rather excited about the idea, despite objections from other county employees.

This may be the first article to start an international incident. The Hagerstown Report is satire.