Thurmont Finds Loophole to Operate Speed Cameras 24/7

THURMONT, MD - The town of Thurmont has found a way to operate its speed cameras 24/7, instead of only weekdays during school hours as other jurisdictions currently do.

After reviewing Maryland law, the town council found that the time restrictions only apply to automated speed enforcement cameras in school zones. As such, Thurmont has invested in a hybrid model in which speed cameras are manually operated during off-hours.

Each speed camera has been equipped with a periscope inside a small underground bunker. During off hours, the cameras will be manned by retired Navy submarine commanders, who are used to operating inside of tight dark spaces.

"This program will not only increase our speed camera revenue by 300%, but provides an employment path for retired Navy submarine commanders to put their skills to use." stated a council member.

To make the work environment more comfortable, the access personholes will resemble the same hatches used by the Navy in their submarines. The workspace itself will be almost completely dark, and a speaker system has been installed to generate a low hum to simulate the vibrations from a sub under way.

Old Navy submarine joke: 100 sailors go down, 50 couples come back up. The Hagerstown Report is satire.